London Sole

I love heels. Of course I do. I've gone on ad nauseum about the many charms of Christian Louboutins.



I admire those girls who sprint across the main floor of Penn Station in their skyscraper heels. It's like a charming tampon commercial about modern women making it in the big city. What's not to like?

But heels (and this is not profound) usually hurt like HELL. Either your toes are crumpled into a ball or your heel gets those gross and painful jellyfish-looking blisters. Yeeuck. Also they constantly get caught in grates when you walk down the street (I once got both of my stiletto heels caught in a grate outside of Sardi's while I running to a matinee of "Take Me Out". (If you think I am going to resist punning that my heels nearly "Took Me Out", you are sorely mistaken. My heels nearly took ME out, you guys!)). Anyway, while I was stuck there, a handsome/nebbish Jonathan Safran Foer type helped me out of the grate and we talked for a block and a half until he got into the TKTS line. So, that was kind of an awesome New York romantic comedy moment I owe to heels.

Flats don't usually lead to these kind of romantic situations. However, they CAN lead to long walks in cool cities where you aren't in a constant state of pain, and comfort at work.



I own four pairs of London Soles, and they are the best flats ever. Weirdly, flats can be very, very uncomfortable too, if you're not careful. You should always check that they have enough support so they don't hurt your arches. Also, flats get dirtier than heels because they're closer to the ground, so you need to get a sturdy leather that can be cleaned.



They're pricey, from $125 to $245, but honestly you will wear them everyday, with any kind of outfit. Remember those old ads on TV for those heels that they said were as comfortable as a pair of sneakers? And then you went to the store and they were a)not as comfortable as sneakers and b) resembled old ugly nun shoes? Well, London soles are actually as comfortable as sneakers and ugly nun shoes but come in the best, most fashionable styles.

I urge all women to own at least their basic black ballet flat. Do it! People will be so envious when they see you take off your shoes for airport security. They'll be all: Now I have airport INSECURITY about MY OWN SHOES.
Also, the online sale section is sick.

Good for: Girls and women who need weekday shoes but hate anything practical.

www.londonsoles.com

Pills and Powders

Were it not for certain pills and powders I'd be dead.

I live the incredibly unhealthy lifestyle of a comedy writer coupled with the incredibly unhealthy lifestyle of an actress. Also, since dieting is my favorite hobby, I'm constantly switching stuff up (Skinny Bitch Diet! Blood Type Diet! French Ladies Don't get Fat Diet!). Basically if there was a book written about a diet and they sell it at LAX or JFK airports, I'm into it. Actually, ugh, most of my books are from the airport.

Nutritionally I am teetering very close to the edge of destruction. (This is most people on my staff. Greg is a small black bear that eats only fluffer nutter sandwiches FOR EVERY MEAL. 9 year old Michael Schur eats only bowls of ice cream. I have never seen him eat ANYTHING but ice cream in the years I've known him. Paul eats terribly and then compensates by drinking gallons of water in a weird little Nalgene he bought at R.E.I. We're probably all going to die soon and there won't be a fifth season of the Office or the spin-off.). Luckily, we live in a miraculous age. Pharmaceutical companies and Whole Foods keep churning out pills and powders for me to consume so my kidneys don't stop working. I so believe in the pills and powders I am about to list that I buy them in triplicate and keep one set at home in L.A., one in Brooklyn with Ben, and one with my parents in Boston.

1. Vuru.com vitamin packs.

The amazing Dailycandy folks got me hooked on Vuru.com. Make your life easier and healthier by going to their rad site.



Basically you go to Vuru and you can select what kind of lifestyle you have and they will create daily vitamin packets for you. This way, you don't have to lug around a bunch of bottle of pills, which totally makes you look like one of those high maintenance L.A. people every hates. I got one with extra fish oils and stuff even though they make you burps smell fishy. Whatever, who cares what my burps smell like when my hair, skin and nails are shiny and pretty? Answer? The writers in my writers room. But screw them. They're just jealous.

2. Clarifying Aqua-less Crystalline Packets by Borba.

I have oily skin. I've talked a lot about it. It's a total drag. When I'm not wiping my shiny forehead on the sleeve of my shirt I'm drinking these cool little Borba drinks.



They give you these packets of pink powder and you dissolve them in water drink them. I think I read somewhere that Eva Longoria does this and I was all: "Um, if Eva Longoria can drink acne-fighting Koolaid, so can I." and I've been hooked ever since. I don't get zits that much any more so, who you gonna believe? Mother Nature or bitchin' Eva Longoria and me???

3. Uristat

TMI! TMI!



I know. But listen up. The discovery of the over-the-counter UTI pain reliever just about changed my whole life. It will change yours too. Sorry if this grosses you out.

4. Chocolate Isopure shakes

My favorite breakfast: Huevos rancheros. 2nd favorite: A dollop of peanut butter, a half cup of lowfat milk, and a ton of ice and two small scoops of this yummy proteiny powder, blended.



There's nothing better, especially after a run. Honestly I feel so happy when I hold this frosty, chocolately peanut butter health drink in my hand. It makes me forget how gay it is to drink protein drinks. In my mind, the shake drips down my digestive system and my worn out muscles eke fuel from the nutritients and rebuild themselves to make me look like Angela Bassett. (Full disclosure: I never make these myself. I buy them at the gym. If I had to clean out a blender every morning I'd kill myself.) So I spend a ridiculous $6 to have them blend this for me. But it's basically enormous and keeps me satiated til lunch, when I eat poorly again.

Sour Candies

I wish I had a chocolate addiction. People I know who have strong chocolate addictions have managed to find healthy ways to stifle this craving; "All I need to satisfy me is one small square of dark chocolate in the afternoon and another at night." I hear them say. Low in calories and high in anti-oxidants, the littlest taste of cocoa and butterfat can sustain my friends all day.

This is the "Big Daddy" bar from the amazing Jacques Torres.



Over 2 lbs is $22 and you can break it up into guilt-free little pieces.

Those of us addicted to sour candies are not so lucky. When I finish eating a regular sized bar of chocolate, I'm like: "Oh, that tasted good. That satiated me. I don't need to eat another one for 6-8 months." But when I finish a regular sized bag of Sour Patch Kids, my eyes gleam red and I'm like: "WHY HAS THIS BAG EMPTIED!! SOMEONE GIVE ME FIVE MORE BAGS OR EVERYONE'S DEAD!!!". Even the monster sized bags at the movies seem small. (For this reason it is a joy to go to the movies with Helers - he never finishes anything he eats, strange Ascetic that he is. (He in turn would probably tell me a "lady never completes a bag of sweets" because Steve is from the pre-Great Fire 1900's)).

Get on with the sour candies, you are saying about now, enough with the vaguely interesting anecdotes. Fine, fine.

1. Haribo Gummi Candy, Sour Cherries



When the concept of Sour met Sweet, it was like when Paul McCartney met John Lennon. Then when Sour and Sweet met Chewy, it was like they ran into Mick Jagger at the post office and had one long jam session. When Sour and Sweet and Chewy met Cherry, it was like the cops came to break up the jam session and the sheriff was Michael Jackson in 1981 and he like moonwalked all over the place.

Price: $14.99 for a 5lb bag. At amazon.com

2. When you're not eating candy and being healthful, you can still have a little sour candy kick, guiltlessly.



Sour Altoids are a great crunchy little mouth explosion. You can pop three at a time and know you're not consuming more than about 15 calories. (And don't you burn that by crunching them anyway?). They come in five flavors but I like tangerine the best.

Price: $19.90 for 8 tins at candywarehouse.com

3. Sour Bright Crawlers in Dylan's Candy Bar Paint Can

I don't NEED my sour candy to be in the shape of vermin, but boy do I like it.



Oh Dylan Lauren and Jeff Rubin. Thank you for taking your combined clout and good taste (Ralph Lauren's daughter and CEO of FAO Schwartz) and making the amazing Dylan's Candy Bar. Talk about instantly creating a magical New York institution that children hear about from across the country beg their parents to see. As a fat child, I would've been more interested in Dylan's Candy Bar than Disneyland. Actually, as a chubby 20-something when it opened, I was still pretty psyched. DCB deserves more of a shout-out than this mere mention, so I'll curtail further description until a later date.

You can buy these great Sour Bright Crawlers online though for $13 at dylanscandybar.com.

The Posso Spat

So much of why dressing up is fun is embellishing boring old basics I own so I'm excited about them again. I believe this is the main psychological thrust behind "The Bedazzler", which transforms anything by covering it in rhinestones (and for the record, I would have KILLED for as a child). It's also why I would turn cashmere socks into arm warmers.

I'm like a lot of girls; I admire craftsy do-it-yourself couture. It's like that girl in the unconventional cool dress at the party and you ask: "Oh my god, I love that dress! Who designed it?" And she - with faint smugness - responds "Oh, I made this, actually." I totally hate and am jealous of that awesome girl!!!

Certain things I blog about will be controversial. I recall a pair of gold polka-dotted panties I raved about that Danny disliked. The Posso Spat is bound to be one of those controversial blog entries. Guys probably will think these are strange, but as I blogged about earlier this week, guys can be too timid about foot fanciness. Screw 'em!

Spats you guys. Check it out:



I love these. At first you think: "What interesting shoes that girl is wearing." And then you realize the tops are detachable fashion pieces and you're like "Whoa, where is this girl from that she can get these fucking strange accesories?!".

I mean, this is a straight up doo-hickey. Isn't it? I love them so much. They can be worn over any type of heel and make it look like a completely different kind of shoe.

And they're on sale now for $61 at revolveclothing.com, which is quickly becoming my favorite online boutique because of their sick sales and awesome customer feedback section.

For: Awesome girls who like slightly weird fashion-y things.

Price: $61

Gram Sneakers

The best reason for not being a dude is that guys can't really wear flamboyant shoes. Even if they WANT to, they get too much shit from other guys. It's awful. All I would want to do is wear high-top retro gold lame Nike's and people would call me a queerball all day long. (Gay guys and black men seem to have a little more leeway. Persian men regrettably get hit very hard with persecution for wearing v-neck tees or gold chains. It's just sad.)

These are some examples of outrageously great men's sneakers that guys I know would NEVER EVER WEAR:





It breaks my heart, you guys.

At work, only Gene and Ben-Jo (the Julian Casablancas and Fabrizio Moretti of the writers room, respectively), wear embellished shoes. And we're talking about SLIGHT embellishments. Like Gene wears forest green pumas and everyone is all atwitter.

At home, it's pathetic. Ben wears his New Balances to run and then low-top white Converse for EVERY OTHER CONCEIVABLE THING. It's some weird ascetic anti-fancy thing he's into. But it's common, I think, with guys.

So that's why the brand Gram is so fucking great.

"Gram is a Stockholm based brand formed by designers Alexis Holm and Anna Stenvi in April 2005. The shoes are not intended to steal the show but designed to blend and enhance what you are wearing at any given moment."

Look at these simple, but totally stylish white low-tops they have:




Small, awesome detailing like the rad two hole lacing.

Good for: conservative, non-trendy recalcitrant guys for versatile summer and spring streetwear.

Price: $123 at revolveclothing.com


Creative Recreation Delchico in Grey/Fatigue/Black $123 at revolveclothing.com
Gold Nike Premium high-top slam dunks: $100 at urbn.com

Deep Sea Combs, Sea Horse

Lots of babies appearing out of nowhere these days.



I read somewhere sports blogger Ken Tremendous has a new adorable red-haired(!) baby. Apparently Mrs. Tremendous found the baby in the kitchen sink when she was getting a glass of milk in the middle of the night. She was startled by a quiet babbling (in baby talk - barely comprehensible) about The Wire and the Red Sox. I hear they are very happy with the infant. The lovely Angela Kinsey is also expecting.

The nascent hair on a baby's head is one of the cuter things God has provided us to look at. There's barely any of it, and it's softer than basically anything. (A good Cruella Deville type villain in a cartoon movie would insist on long sweaters made of baby's hair, I think. Cruella: "I won't be satisfied until every baby in this town has their head shaved and I have that hair in my clutches!!" Actually, *I* want that sweater!).

I guess when babies get older, their hair needs to be combed, or it's gets unruly and people think your baby was raised in the wild. I get it. People need to make sure their babies look reasonably kempt, right?

Hey, new parents! Try this ridiculously cute Sea Horse comb. Look, the fact of the matter is, nothing is going to be as cute as the kid, but this comb is a nice little accessory for the child.

Good for: Tots. Peter Pan. Old dames with thin hair with a sense of humor.

Price: $12
www. anthropologie.com

Carol's Daughter Candy Paint

I don't care what the magazines say. The #1 way to age yourself is to wear lipstick. Matte, Shiny, it just doesn't matter. Lipstick is the worst. I can rail against lipstick forever. And even though it's supposed to accentuate the your pouty, feminine lips, I actually think lipstick can have a trying-too-hard or tranny-ish effect (ie. Christina Aguilera, Amy Winehouse, both lovely ladies...undone by lipstick!).

Lip gloss on the other hand, merveilleux!! Lip glosses make you look like a dewy princess who needs to be kissed. In this great era of no-fuss makeup, a cheerful blush and lip gloss are really all you need to look great.



I love Carol's Daughter, a line of body care and beauty products started by the very cool Lisa Price. Carol's Daughter is boutique line, but it's a huge celeb favorite, especially celebrities of color. If you go to her site, it's like all Tyra Banks and Mary J. Blige all glistening and naked and raving about their products. Awesome.



The candy paint is the best consistency. It's gel-y but not thick, and doesn't come off immediately if you drink a soda. It will probably need a re-application or two during the day, because lipgloss isn't spackle, you guys. Get a grip. (Honestly, would you really LIKE it if your lip gloss didn't EVER come off during the day? Weird chemical glueyness! Yuck). There's lots of choices for lipglosses out there, but Candy Paint is great because of the colors.

Ever wonder how Beyonce or J.Lo have perfect pink-and-gold sparkle Aztec Goddess lips? I swear it's because of Bossy, the all-over gold gloss that looks great over a pink shade of lipliner or amazing just by itself. And the basic pinks are fantastic too, not that wimpy stuff you get at Sephora which looks all cool in the tube but comes out like clear nothingness. My other favorites are Park Avenue Pink and Purple Reign.

Also: Check out Carol's Daughter's body butters.
They're scented, so for me, I don't use them every day, but on weekends, it's a good ritual to butter up your elbows and knees, and the skin on your knuckles and stuff. It has lasting effects, even if you only do it once a week.



Your boyfriend can do it too! In fact he should. He's the one who gets to handle your soft little joints, he owes it to you to have soft ones too. I like their "Love" Body Butter, which is technically unisex, which is a funny notion to me, because if Ben were to buy "Love Body Butter" of his own volition, I'd assume he was secretly gay or cheating on me with Jada Pinkett Smith.

Price:
Candy Paints: $13.50
Body Butters: $18.00

available at www.carolsdaughter.com

Or go visit her store in Fort Greene, Brooklyn! It's down the street from Spike Lee's Forty Acres and A Mule Production Company front. Cool.