I'm a PC.

I'm so a PC.

I might be the only comedy writer on the planet who is not crazy about Macs. And I tried! I know how sexy Macs are! Who wouldn't want that dope Williamsburgy-Peet's Coffee-DJ Samantha Ronson-y cachet of being utterly Mac?

But I'm not. We use Macs at work, and the really hi-tech ones with cameras and stuff. I love being able to check my makeup on the video thingy, and I like how white and clean and shiny mine is... but I cannot find my shit on my Mac. I save something and it ends up in some file and I can never find it again. And I can't search for it because I don't know how. And if I download something, I have no clue how to open it and then it poof disappears. And I don't understand all the millions of icons on my desktop. There is literally an icon of two faces smiling at me and I have no fucking idea what it does. I clicked on something last week and all of a sudden i was like creating and making a home movie or some shit like that. I know this makes me sound elderly and complainy but at least with my unsexy clunky old regular PC I can click on "search" and find the things I need.

But I do love Justin Long. Man, he is so cute. He has that lanky goony Krasinski look that is so totally adorable. Most of the guys I know completely hate him, which I believe is a testament to what a biscuit he is. I think PC should hire Jay Baruchel or Casey Affleck or some equally off-beat cutie to do their ads.



(Or I guess they could continue their current ad campaign, which seems roughly to be: "Let's not advertise at all. Let the hipsters, gays, Jews and elite writers of Los Angeles and New York City use Macs, we'll take everyone else.")


This meanwhile, is my little PC laptop, which is tiny and reliable, even if it isn't endorsed by Bono or whomever.

It's a Sony Vaio and it weighs 2 lbs and I adore it. I feel about it the way I imagine Paris Hilton feels about her disgusting little chihuahua. I brought it with me to Paris and to New York and have dropped it a million times and thrown it in anger at boys and it still works. I got it at CompUSA, the least sexy place on the planet. But I still go to the Apple Store to check email and ogle boys and stuff. So I guess I'm a PC in Mac's clothing.

Price: $2,100 at Comp USA.