Christian Louboutin

Carrie Bradshaw has Manolo Blahniks. Nicole Richie has Jimmy Choos.

Ho-hum. Yawn.

"I want to make shoes that are like jewels," Christian Louboutin explains. "Shoes are more than just an accessory; they are an extension of a woman."

I love this guy. If I am going to spend more than $500 on a pair of shoes, you better believe it's gonna be a fucking extension of my womanhood. And you guys, they are. They frickin are. With their signature fuck-me red insoles and whimsical styles, you can tell a Louboutin from the rest of the designer bunch.

These shoes are so awesome, they can't even be name-checked in Jay-Z or Beyonce tracks. It would somehow cheapen them. It doesn't even matter that you can't rhyme "Louboutin" with anything. It's like Le Bernardin. Not trendy; awesome. Meant to last. Built for eternity.

Do I sound like the voice-over of a Debeers ad? Or weird and Gollum-y? I'm worried I do. But I kind of don't care because I'm infected with this Veruca Salt "I want it, Daddy!! I want it!!!" covetousness for Christian Louboutin shoes.

How do I explain these shoes versus others?

If I were a cool New York midtown professional girl, I'd wear Miu Miu. No doubt. Comfortable and edgy.



If I wear a LA party girl, I would wear Choos. I'd even get wasted and leave them in the sink at Winston's or whatever. (But it wouldn't matter, my twin wears the same size and we always share shoes.)



If I were one of those mail order brides rich Saudi princes and billionaires bought from America, I would wear Christian Lacroix, of course.



If I was a serious-but-sexy Yale grad student in dramaturgy, I'd wear Robert Clergerie.



If I was Ron Meyer's classy wife, I'd do Weitzman or Prada.



But if I was a twenty-something crazily consumeristic comedy writer-performer who wants glitzy bad-ass shoes to wear to red carpet events, and then keep them on later to prance around in at 3AM when I'm only in a bra and underwear singing Gwen Stefani's "Luxurious" as a striptease for my boyfriend...I would wear Christan Louboutin.




Price: ridiculous, but worth it (over $500 usually)

Good for: Women, not girls. (Girls should wear kick-ass sparkly Nine West shoes. These are shoes for sexually active women. Sorry).

There are a few boutiques in LA and two in New York, but the place to get them is their adorable West Village location, fo sho:

59 Horatio St., New York, NY 10014
at Greenwich St.
212-255-1910