I love thousands of things but I only NEED about thirty. These are staples. Yes, I know people might say I'm not adhering to "staple" in the strict bread-and-water sense of the word, but whatever you guys. Be serious.
1. Calypso "Julia" dress.
The Julia dress is probably better known as The Calypso Wrap Dress. (Or, since this blog is mostly male comedy writers, not known as anything.) It's in the store every season, in different colors, and never goes on sale. And why should it? Even Oprah has given it a shout-out in her magazine. A wrinkled silk dress - perfect for traveling, by the way - that ties and is flattering ON EVERY FIGURE. Paired with very feminine heels, and you're guaranteed gorgeous. At $195 it's worth three times that for the versatility and fun you'll have wearing it.
I just re-read the paragraph above and it seems like I am writing some shitty, shill-y, unfunny copy for the fashion section of a women's health mag. Please don't take this out on the dress, which is, I promise, T.F.A.
2. Gilligan & O’Malley® Modal Basic Thong
Best underwear in the world. From Target. Yep.
These thongs are the most comfortable, invisible, awesome underwear I have ever owned. Forget any of those fancy brands promising "no lines and no seams", which invariably give you elastic pooch or wedgies. This underwear is cut just right and made from the miracle material, Modal. What is Modal you ask? According to wikipedia: "Textiles made from Modal do not fibrillate, or pill, like cotton does, and are resistant to shrinkage and fading. They are smooth and soft, more so than even mercerized cotton."
Is this picture of a woman's pelvic area too big? I kind of feel weird posting it. I don't want it to seem pervy (I'm sure Will and Stupnitsky are enjoying it a lot though, so you're welcome.)
For fancy sexy-encounter underwear, go visit your friends at your local Agent Provocateur. These are called the Jillys. They are $120.
(I was recently told by Stupnitsky that thongs aren't sexy, that he thinks they are kind of gross. He prefers regular old underwear on girls. I guess less is not necessarily more in matters panty. I'm curious if this is just Gene's weird theory or whether he speaks for lots of normal guys. I tend to belive Gene because he's very good-looking and sincere, and today was wearing a fantastic man cardigan. Oh, Gene. Someone awesome date Gene!)
For everday basic awesome, it's Gilligan O'Malley. I own at least 30 pairs.
3. New Balance 991s.
I'm not an athlete but I love running. My feet are flat and wide, like Donald Ducks, though. In the olden days people like me were told we couldn't go to war and couldn't ever run because it would cause terrible shin splints. Luckily for us spatula-for-feets, there came along the incredible New Balance 991s. One of the only New Balance running lines not "urbanified" when New Balance went through changes in the late '90s, you can still see 44 year old white men running in these...and me. My boss Greg and I have only two things in common. 1) Our fondness for sweets and 2) our love of the 991s. But be quick! Rumor has it that New Balance is phasing out 991s for their new 992s, so both Greg and I stockpiled a few pairs of the 991s before they're gone forever. I bought mine at the venerable New Balance outlet on Life Street in Brighton, Massachusetts. But you can find them online.
These also make great fashion sneaks for guys. My brother wears these in brown, Forrester wears them in this cool pea green, and Ben-Jo has them in city-black. All look awesome with jeans. Way to go, Bro, Brent and Ben-Jo!
Price: anywhere from $70 to $130 (I got mine for $80)
4. Amazing Cosmetics Concealer.
I've talked in great detail about my skin and stuff. You guys know the deal. This concealer was recommended to me by an over zealous salesgirl at Ulta, and I was in one of those situations where I didn't have the boldness to say no, even though I totally didn't need concealer. I was even going to, secretly put it back on the rack when she turned to help someone else, but that never happened, and I felt too guilty not buying it. I was so steaming mad while she was ringing it up.
But then I used it and it was fucking outrageously great. And it should be. It's $40!! Yikes. But what's not yikes is how smoothly it blends into the skin around your eyes and mouth, both concealing darkness and providing a nice base for shadows. Jessica Alba and people like that use this stuff too, which impressed me for some reason.
Wow! What a great reason!