Friday, November 30, 2007

Shoes with Bows

I love the holiday season because normal people get infected with the painful consumerism disease that I suffer from all year round. At the insane Marc Jacobs shoe sale at Macys at the Beverly Center last weekend, I saw a woman around my age clutching her extra 20% coupon all white-knuckled, like it was the Willy Wonka's golden ticket and she would die if she lost it. I laughed inwardly at her. "Zealous shopping weirdo," thought I. Then I noticed that the reason I hadn't been clutching my coupon so hard was that my nervous hand perspiration had rendered it limp and damp long ago.

Similarly, holiday fashion is when normal women start dressing in blingy metallics and frillery, the way I dress (often innapropriately) all year round. Holiday parties are for bling what Halloween is for slutty apparel - you can go all out and no one will judge. I chalk this up, by the way, to the common non-denomonational twinkliness of the holiday season:

Christmas trees, menorahs, Rudolph's nose, Ganesh's get the drift.

So use this time of year, when closed toed shoes are a must, to ditch your square toe pumps and boring old boots, and invest in some shoes with bows.

Shoes with bows make you look like a gift.

Check it:

Marc by Marc Jacobs peep toe patent pumps.

Jeans and boring sweater all you have clean?? Has glamorous picketing made a dent in the amount of cute outfits you have?? No problem. Marc Jacobs coolifies any boring outfit with his conversation-starting shoes. You might even consider stopping combing your hair and showering, Mr. Jacobs has your cute covered!!*

(*I write for Teen Cosmo).

$272 (sale!) at

Delman raspberry bow "Work" flats.

Can't take the heels? Don't! Keep your toes pinch-free in these crazy cute flats.
Price: $147 (sale!) at

Another sound flats option:

Look at that princely purpley blue! With jeans and a cable knit sweater, you'll look so bookish but fun.

Another JCrew delight (in a wedge, so far more comfortable than a straight heel):

JCrew, you guys. I love JCrew this year. They have the preppy-gone-crazy look with colors and materials that I absolutely adore.
Price: $89 (sale!) and $69 for the wedge. Fun fact: Kelly Kapoor and Mindy Kaling both wear JCrew shoes all the time.

And if you're a decadent It Girl who has a New Years Eve date with Bruce Wayne (and you kinda maybe think he might be Batman already), it really behooves you to borrow a grand from your parents and buy these gems.

Christian Louboutin, $925,

Monday, November 19, 2007

Anquilla Console Lantern

I love lanterns. I love scenes in movies like "From Hell" where you see guys lighting street lamps in old-timey London.

I also really like candles, but feel on principle I should hate them. Look, I'm as into romance as the next person - I'm basically Miss Piggy - but if I have to see another scene in a major network dramedy where the male lead has lit - as a romantic surprise for his plucky unwitting female co-star - hundreds of candles in his bedroom, I am going to puke.


Ew, my skin is crawling!

In addition to being on strike for a number of good reasons, I'm boycotting tv shows who show people lighting MORE THAN THREE CANDLES IN A ROOM AT A TIME. It's just dangerous.

But, yes, these lanterns are amazing. Use them instead of table lamps. I just want someone from "Brothers & Sisters" or something to read this and use THESE in a seduction scene.

For: People who want to be comfy and read books on the sofa with their Slanket (see archives) and be totally cute doing it.

Price: $150 (on sale!)

Friday, November 16, 2007

Why I Strike

What most people don't know about me is that I'm way conservative. When rumors were circulating this summer about a possible strike, I was annoyed. I was like: "I like working, man. I get paid really well to work on a show people actually like. Screw this!"

I figured the WGA negotiating committee was just a bunch of rich, bored, retired writers who had nothing better to do than make us hard-working currently-employed writers sacrifice a lot by making us stop work. Not coincidentally, I hadn't been reading any of the informative Guild literature that explained the mounting situation.

Boy, was I a fucking idiot.

Now it's like, what Africa is to Bono, the WGA negotiations are to me. (Sure, Bono is a better musician than I am a writer, but the trade-off is I bombard people a lot less then Bono talks about Africa and stuff. I mean, I would actually have to think twice whether I would sit next to the guy at a dinner party, cuz I'd be like, oh shit, here comes the dissertation on the UN or whatever. Honestly, what does The Edge do?).

Anyway, I've hesitated writing about the strike, because while I believe passionately that we striking for a good reason, I didn't want to incur the contempt of non-writers or fans of the show.

Why? It's simple. I may be the single worst person on this planet who could speak out for the writers plight, because: 1) I am an adult who is lucky enough to have enough disposable income that I literally have a website talking about how I fritter away money on stupid shit. I'm doing fine. and 2) I'm a comedy writer, not a politician or even a person known to make persuasive arguments. I've solved most of my conflicts by crying or threatening to kill myself. Opponents of the strike could point to this URL as the reason why writers are the worst form of overpaid greedbags, the way al Qaeda shows "The Anna Nicole Show" to recruit people to suicide bomb Western places.

So that's why I needed to post about this. NOT ALL writers are like me!!! The vast, vast majority are not. And I don't want people thinking they are. (Uh, for the record, to my credit, if they were, Hollywood would be a lot more sexy.) Most writers in the Guild, aren't working on like, The Simpsons and The Office or The Daily Show, like the bloggers on this site. To me, anyway, it seems mostly a situation where the writer mom or dad is the primary earner, and there are years and years where they don't work, and they worry about college tuition and stuff for their kids, and then, when they get older, they actually find other forms of employment because they can't make it writing anymore.

And frankly, what the companies are angling for something so staggeringly unfair, it's causing lazy fat-ass conservatives like me to stand up and fight. It's like they are the king in "Braveheart" trying to convince us that prima nocte is cool or something.

I'll let you read this fantastic piece in Newsweek by Douglas McGrath. He summarizes how I feel a lot better than me.

Steve Carell put it best when he said: "Imagine if when the writers on the Bob Hope radio show were told by their employers: "Hey guys, we want to use your material, for free, for this crazy new medium, television, and we don't want to pay you for it, cuz the medium is too crazy and dicey and we're not sure it's going to pan out."...TEN YEARS AFTER EVERYONE IN AMERICA OWNED A TELEVISION." (I'm paraphrasing poorly the brilliant words of the lovely Steve Carell, please don't quote him saying that. You can I guess, sort of attribute it to me and maybe kinda Steve but not in any way that makes him look lame.)

I feel so strongly that I will even post this horrible picture of me striking and not wearing any makeup. Gross!

And I promise, barring some kind of conflict wherein Beyonce is told she can no longer exist, I will only argue passionately about how you need to buy a loofah or something.


I'm not going to lie, you guys. These past two weeks have been a bit terrifying for this shopping blogger. Nothing makes you feel queasy about buying a holographic Christmas Snoopy lawn ornament

or a fall 2007 Diane von Furstenberg taffeta party skirt like the fact that you have no day job.

So I spent the first two weeks of strike picketing and thinking: will I turn ascetic as my income disappears? Will I get my hair cut at Fantastic Sams rather than at John Freida? Will I watch "The Closer" on repeats or will I continue spending $14 on tickets at the Arclight?

The answer is no, people. I will go into horrible, debilitating debt. And why? The handfuls of people who read this blog must be entertained. Remember radio comedies during the Depression? I don't, I'm not even sure the radio was invented then, but I'm pretty sure it was. And what would those sockless Depression-era Americans have done without the bathtub song stylings of Radio Joe or whatever? I'm like those guys. This country was founded on debt. We need debt to thrive and stuff (This is my cursory understanding of what debt is from my high school Econ class).

Yeah, so, I shall continue. Fuck yeah, I'll buy Christmas lawn ornaments.

This massive rationalization has been brought you to by Mastercard.

DVF skirt: $325,
holographic Snoopy Santa: $99

Friday, November 02, 2007

More Halloween

This year my girlfriend Anna and I went as two characters from the show Gossip Girl. It was fun to dress up like Upper East Side private school kids.

However, the best costume of the night goes to my friend Josh. I recommended this costume to him last year, but it took him a year to realize just how awesome it was. Every block he walked through, at least five people said how awesome his costume was.

One girl asked him if he had made it. He said that his mother had (lie). They girl's boyfriend then said under his breath "faggot."

Amazon, $80.


For Halloween I was going to go as Condoleeza Rice.

Never have I gotten so much positive feedback. "You're brilliant, Mindy!" people cried, and "How delightfully timely and satirical!" said others. The problem is that the minute I put on my skirt suit and pearls, I just looked like the conservative boring unsexy version of myself. It didn't help my feeling of lameness that the streets were filled with hot Hollywood girls dressed as Trashy Batman or whatever.

So I had a moral (yes, moral) decision. Do I follow my comedy writer instinct of doing something funny, abiding by The A.V. Club's brilliant Amelie Gillette's opinion that "sexy girl costumes" are lame no matter what? Or do I follow my simpering girly instinct of trying to dress as in tiny sex-romp clothes with some flimsy pretense ("What?? Lots of female pirates wear fishnet stockings and stilettos!")?

I compromised and decided to be one of the drug-dealing soccer hooligans from "City of God", named Pepe. Here I am.

The costume is tight and revealing, and from American Apparel ( this is sell-outy of me) but I am wearing a fucking moustache, you guys (this is legit of me. look how fucking lame that looks!).

Jocelyn went as my murderous buddy, Carlos. Steve came as Luigi, a successful Sicilian pizzeria owner. I think we all look really good. Our mustaches were made using my Loreal Voluminous mascara.

Oh! These are two gay dudes we met at the Cafe 101 who seemed really in love:

We went to Birds with the two in-love gay dudes and danced to "Ghostbusters" with an actual Ghostbuster ("Bustin makes me feel goooood!").

Price: mesh shorts $18, mesh tank $17, matching tube socks $8, headband $8